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NOT APPLICABLE
Hello, I am Not-Applicable,
A.K.A (and she’s one of my better friends)
En-Slash-A
I am the bastard child of Fill-in-the-Blank
During his short-lived fling with the beautiful,
Unpredictable and uncapturable
Think-Outside-the-Box
(And let me tell you
Their affair was most unexpected,
Later deemed the culprit behind multiple cases
Of high-societal jaw strain
Formerly attributed to gravity)
I am what happens when the square peg
Asserts its individuality
And at long last, terminates relationships
With its rounded counterpart
I am the residue of the infamous
Unaccounted-for-Situation
The default attire of the lovely Anomaly
When she does battle with the forces of uniformity
And rallies her troops beneath the cry
Error! Unidentified input!
Does not compute! Does not compute!
(And it is said that the inventor of this message
Had they been gifted the slightest royalty
For each hair parted from the heads of long-suffering workers,
Might possibly have accumulated enough wealth
To bribe the jury
At their ill-fated trial for intentional, serial
Sanitycide)
I am last refuge of the glorified Specter
That clanks about in mechanical workings
No matter how carefully crafted
And equipped with the latest anti-haunt software
I am the oasis of Unusual, Individual, Unforeseen,
And the slippery, sneaky
None-of-the-Above, who clambers by darkness
Into the minds of the lazy
And infects them with his particular breed of madness
To awaken in the morning a victim of the “Other” Category Movement
I am the fairy of Extreme Circumstances
Merciful in my dealings
Guardian of the decidedly wet sand
On the shore between the ocean of Options
And the arid land of Neither One
(Perfect in consistency
For building an out-of-context sand castle
Or expressing creativity
With a the limb of member of Kingdom Plantae
On the blank canvas of nature)
Yes, I am the one-and-only
All-purpose collector of oddities
Savior of the oppressed Abnormality—
Not Applicable
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